Robot Monster (1953)

"You look like a pooped out pinwheel.", 7 March 2007

Why do I do this to myself? I know that there are those who have seen Robot Monster more times than I have, but when you loath a movie as much as I do this one, why would you watch it three times? Yes, that's right – I think Robot Monster is one of the absolute worst movies ever made with virtually no entertainment or other value, yet I've sat through it on three different occasions. I've tried watching it as a "serious" piece of sci-fi – that obviously won't work. I've tried watching it through the eyes of a child (as someone suggested) – sorry, that didn't work either. I've even tried watching it as a piece of unintentional comedy – too boring for that. It makes for one of the worst MST3K episodes I've so far seen. I must have some sort of problem if I keep revisiting trash like this.

I've noticed that many people go straight for the monster design when discussing Robot Monster. But Ro-Man, as he's known in the movie, is the least of the problems I have with the film. In fact, the image of the gorilla with the diving helmet is the only thing that keeps me from rating the movie lower. Whether intentional or some happy accident, the creature design is iconic. Many people who have never seen the movie or even know what movie it comes from have seen pictures of Ro-Man. Instead, my problems with the movie include every other factor you could think of. The acting is abysmal. Imagine my surprise when I noticed on IMDb that most of the cast actually had extensive acting backgrounds that just happened to include Robot Monster. Did they get on set and suddenly forget everything they knew about acting? The music for Robot Monster was written early in his career by the famed composer Elmer Bernstein. I'm sure this is a proud entry on his resume. The opening music is mind-numbingly bad. Finally, the direction is terrible. The movie has no pace or flow. It's about as exciting as watching grass grow. As a cure for insomnia, Robot Monster might be a winner. But as a movie that provides entertainment on any level, Robot Monster is an unqualified disaster.

2/10