The Eye Creatures (1965) (TV)

"Opening strange doors isn't a thing for a good clean-living American girl to do!", 18 April 2009

There's a reason that The Eye Creatures (or Attack of the the Eye Creatures . . . huh?) was such perfect fodder for Mystery Science Theater 3000 - it's one gawd awful movie. You could write a thesis on the many obvious faults found in The Eye Creatures. But it's a bit like shooting fish in a barrel – there's no real challenge. When you've got a movie this bad with a plodding plot, rigor mortis stiff acting, beyond laughable special effects, no tension, no drama, and painfully inept direction, writing at length about all the negatives is way too easy. So I won't bother. Instead, I'll just mention the attempts at humor in The Eye Creatures. This is low-brow, sophomoric stuff on a whole new scale. One of the biggest, most grand on-going jokes in the film involves a couple of military types who are supposed to be watching a radar that's tracking UFOs. Instead, they've somehow managed to train their infrared sensors on the kids' local make-out spot. What hilarity! A couple of grown goofs who seem to derive way to much enjoyment out of watching kids necking. Not having sex, mind you - just kissing. How funny is that? Actually, now that I think about it, maybe it is funny in an incredibly sort of pathetic way. Regardless, the attempts at humor injected into this lamo script are about as flat as an alien that's been hit by a car.

2/10