Playgirl Killer (1968)

"They... always... move!", 6 May 2009

Bill (William Kerwin) is a tormented artist working on a painting from a dream he's had. But can Bill ever actually finish his masterpiece if he keeps killing all his models?

Whatever else I might think or write about Playgirl Killer, one thing is certain – it features one of the absolute funniest bits of dialogue I've heard in a long time. The father referring to his youngest daughter states, "Well at first I didn't like the idea of Betty being engaged to a rock and roll singer, but they're in love so I guess it's up to us to help make them happy." What's so funny about this line? Well, this rock 'n' roll hoodlum that's got Pops all in a dither is none other than bad boy Neil Sedaka. Yes, that Neil Sedaka! The Neil Sedaka that would go on to pin such rowdy "rock 'n' roll" standards as "Breaking Up is Hard to Do" and "Love Will Keep Us Together". Just imagine the idea of your youngest daughter marrying a ruffian like that!

Beyond that bit of unintended hilarity, the rest of Playgirl Killer is almost equally a hoot. Whether it's William Kerwin in his over-the-top artist-killer mode or Jean Christopher playing the over-the-top tease, the movie is more often than not a treat for fans of trashy 60s cinema. The movie promises a lot more in the way of sleaze than it delivers – which, believe it or not, is another selling point. It's hysterical watching Christopher's Arlene toy and flirt with every man in sight. And you've got to love Bill's motive for killing. No, it's not some deep-seated resentment toward women - it's not some weird Oedipus issue - it's not even for money. Bill kills because his models move. You read that right, he kills his models because they move. Don't dare bat an eyelid or Bill might just slit your throat. How bizarrely funny is that? The whole thing is such a ridiculous blast that it's hard not to enjoy it.

The movie's only real weakness (well, the only weakness that really bothered me) was the complete lack of suspense. Playgirl Killer is supposed to be a thriller so I naturally expected a few . . . well, a few thrills. Instead, all of Bill's kills are telegraphed far in advance. Take the first model he kills shortly after docking the boat the two are riding in. The couple jump out of the boat and head toward a rock for some sketching. Bill brings along his equipment – pencil, paper, a bag (presumably with more art supplies), and a spear gun. Once again, you're not seeing things - I said a spear gun! What artist worth his salt doesn't have an obscure weapon with him every time he sets out to do a portrait? How hard it is to figure out what Bill's up to with that spear gun? See what I mean - no suspense.

I'll give this one a 6/10 – but be warned, that rating is more for the cheese in Playgirl Killer than any real indication of the quality of the film.

6/10