Five Golden Dragons (1967)

Any movie with Margaret Lee is automatically better than it would have been without her., 8 July 2015

I've gone back and forth on how to rate Five Golden Dragons. On one hand, I really want to like this movie. It's got an infectious 60s vibe that really worked with me. On the other hand, it's got a lot of problems and is, in all honesty, a mess of a movie. So, I'm stuck with giving it a wishy-washy 5/10.

I'm not going to do the normal plot summary. There's no point because there's not much of a coherent plot. None of it makes any sense at all. I'll just say that there is a lot of super-secret spy type stuff going on in Hong Kong and it all surrounds a group of five guys who call themselves the Five Golden Dragons (hence the title). What they do or who they are is as unknown to me now as it was before I watched the movie. All I know is that they want to sell-out to the mafia (I think) for $50 million. And there are some other people who would quite naturally like to get their hands on the money. Be warned that all or part of this could be completely wrong – I just don't know.

One of the big draws of Five Golden Dragons is the cast. George Raft, Dan Duryea, Brian Donlevy, and Christopher Lee are prominently listed in the credits. However, their combined screen time is about 10-15 minutes and all they do is sit around a table, put on and take off some goofy looking gold dragon masks, and spout some of the most inane dialogue I've ever heard. The whole thing looks like it might have been filmed in an hour. Their acting is also pretty funny. They all seem to go through a range of emotions ranging from bewilderment to confusion to amusement to impatience. It's obvious they realize how bad this thing really is.

Most of the rest of the cast is, however, very enjoyable. I really enjoyed seeing Klaus Kinski, Maria Perschy (wow), Maria Rohm, Rupert Davies, and Sieghardt Rupp. All are capable and do the best with what they have. But the highlight for me was Margaret Lee. Any movie with Margaret Lee is automatically better than it would have been without her. A lot of the movie is more than competently filmed with some very nice shots of Hong Kong. The chase scene through the harbor was especially nice. The movie's pacing is all over the place. In spots the action is great and the movie has a nice flow to it. But, in others, the film really drags. 

Finally, after going through some of the good and bad I found in Five Golden Dragons, I'm left with writing about the one thing that almost ruined the movie for me and keeps me from rating it at least a point higher. And that is Robert Cummings. He's so bad! I don't know when I've seen an actor irritate me like this. Part of the problem is that much of the time he seems to be acting like he's in another movie. The comedy he brings to the film is most often completely out of place. His reactions to most everything going on are usually the exact opposite of what you would expect. Also, he's 100% wrong for the role. Here's the IMDb summary for the movie, "A naive young American playboy in Hong Kong finds himself caught up in the middle of an international crime." Young! Are you kidding me? At 57, Cummings isn't young by a long shot. And his bad dye job doesn't help. Some of his scenes with Maria Perschy and Margaret Lee are embarrassing. Also, at 57, he's way too old play "naïve". His stammering, stuttering schoolboy is laughable. Completely and utterly ridiculous! I'm willing to forgive a lot of the faults in Five Golden Dragons, but Cummings isn't one of them.

5/10