Prime Evil (1988)

The Worst, 9 August 2005

Over the years, I've seen my fair share of really bad movies. But none can compare with Prime Evil. I bow down before thee oh King of Garbage. It's the worst of the worst. I literally despise this movie with every fiber of my being.

The story, although it doesn't really matter, starts with a 13th Century monk who turns to Satanism in exchange for immortality. He slaughters the other monks who refuse to join him. Switch to present day and the monk, now in the persona of Father Seaton (get it, Seaton/Satan - oh how clever), oversees a large cult of followers. Each is also promised immortality in 13 year blocks if they are willing to give Father Seaton a "pure" blood relation for sacrifice to Satan. The 13 year period for one member is coming to an end. He has a "pure" granddaughter that would make an ideal candidate for sacrifice. But the Church and the police are onto the cult's activities. Can they stop Father Seaton before another person dies?

Every aspect of this movie is bad. I've racked my brain and I cannot come up with one positive thing to say. The acting is terrible, the story is lame, the muppet Satan is ridiculous, and the whole thing is a complete and utter bore. And none of it is bad in that so bad it's good sort of way. I defy anyone to find a scrap of entertainment in Prime Evil.

1/10