Hollywood After Dark (1968)

- Walk the Angry Beach
So wretched that I felt like retching, 17 August 2007

A junkyard owner is approached by two hoods to help them with an armored car heist they have planned. Although hesitant at first, he agrees after meeting and falling for a stripper trying to break into acting. He wants the money to help her get away from the seedier side of Hollywood. The robbery goes off as planned, but the would-be criminals turn on each other with disastrous consequences.

I've seen a lot of bad movies over the years, but only a handful fall into the I-want-to-gouge-my-eyes-out category. Hollywood After Dark is one such movie. It's bottom of the barrel in every respect. The acting is horrendous; the plot is a disaster; the direction is Coleman Francis-ish; the stripper scenes are mind-numbingly awful; and on it goes. Hollywood After Dark is a tawdry, dirty, and depressing mess of a movie. I wasn't sure when the movie ended if I should take a shower or slit my wrists. It's that bad!

And if the movie wasn't already wretched enough, just wait until Rue McClanahan takes the stage for her burlesque number. That's right – Golden Girl Rue McClanahan is a stripper! It's one of those moments that I could have gone all my life without seeing. Now that I've got that visual back in my head, add retching to my list of things I thought about doing after watching the movie!

1/10