Octopussy (1983)

"Pay attention, 007!", 30 August 2007

I'm a James Bond fan from way back. Some of my fondest memories of growing-up are James Bond movies on the ABC Sunday Night Movie. If Bond was going to be on, I couldn't wait. So it pains me to give a James Bond movie anything but a stellar rating as I've done with Octopussy. I saw it in the theater in 1983 and was terribly disappointed. Watching last night, my opinion has not changed in the 24 or so intervening years. It may not be the worst Bond movie ever made, but it comes close.

To write in detail about all of the problems I have with Octopussy would be unwieldy to say the least. Instead, I'll mention two examples that nicely encapsulate my issues with the movie. First, as many have mentioned in comments and reviews on the internet, Octopussy begins with a very well done pre-title sequence. The aerial chance sequence is a rip-roaring success. Bond lands his plane and pulls it up into a service station parking lot. It's unfortunate that the director chose this moment to have Roger Moore open his mouth and destroy the great start. Bond looks at the gas station attendant and in the smuggest manner possible says, "Fill it up." That's right, "Fill it up." Give me a break! I'm cringing all over again just thinking about it. I suppose that at the age of 56, Moore could no longer pull off the James Bond role physically so they resorted to comedy. Well, the quipping, one-line machine that James Bond became during the time Roger Moore played the character is not the James Bond I enjoy. Sure, Connery used comedy, but it was more of an after thought. In contrast, I sometimes get the feeling with Moore that the elaborate stunts and special effects were done just to set-up a one-liner. I realize that this is an exaggeration, but it pretty well sums up my feelings on the matter.

The second example I'll cite occurs very near the end of Octopussy just as James Bond arrives at the circus with the intention of disabling the nuclear weapon. The chase between Bond and the clueless authorities takes him in and around the circus performers' trailers. Seizing an opportunity, Bond ducks into a trailer to avoid being caught. Now, grabbing something to use as a disguise makes sense, but does Bond do that – No! He actually takes the time to put on full clown make-up complete with the tear on the cheek! Huh? He has something like less than five minutes to disarm an atomic bomb and he stops to put on clown make-up! Again – give me a break! And exactly how did he put on that make-up in less than a couple of minutes? James Bond movies have always asked the audience to stretch believability, but this is utterly ridiculous. He can do a lot of things, but James Bond cannot stop time. I suppose the whole point of the scene is to get Roger Moore into the goofy clown make-up. James Bond – the Clown. Kind of gives some insight into what the producers, etc. thought of the character.

There are other issues I have with the movie that I could write about including the ridiculous crocodile boat, Roger Moore's all too obvious stunt-double, the incredibly lame title theme song, or Kristina Wayborn's weak attempts at acting. But I've already concentrated enough on the negative aspects. And it's not as if Octopussy is all bad. This is James Bond after all so there is some fun to be had. But if a fanboy like myself can rate a James Bond movie a very pedestrian 5/10, well then you know it has problems.

5/10